I’ve been there: feeling hopeless and alone, not trusting myself, fed up with constant struggle, impatient to get to the next part of life where I’ll feel better, be less stressed, and look forward to getting up in the morning.

I was in a destructive, toxic, emotionally and financially abusive marriage for many years. I lost my confidence, my sparkle, and my sense of self.

My sister and my dad had cancer at the same time. My dad got better but my sister died when we were in our early 40s. Then my dad got another cancer and got better again. Then my mom got dementia. She eventually moved into a nursing home and died during the pandemic so I was unable to see her in person for the last year of her life.

I was separated from my then life partner (now husband) during the pandemic for 8 months since we lived on opposite sides of the closed US-Canada border.

I was a full-time single mom to two teenagers, one of whom had exceptional needs. The kids’ father lived in another country so he wasn’t around to co-parent, and I didn’t have any family close to where I lived.

I endured one trauma after another for over 10 years.

I’d struggled with depression since I was a teenager and my anxiety started showing itself during the pandemic (like so many other people). I ended up in the ER due to the strange physical symptoms my anxiety caused. I was also having panic attacks, and what I called despair attacks, which were an overwhelming flood of hopelessness and thoughts that it would be easier if I could just somehow disappear. It was awful.

I hit bottom several times but eventually I got help. I talked to my doctor and got medication for the depression and anxiety, the pandemic ended, my divorce was finalized, my kids and my man supported me and loved me back to myself. I was able to go to therapy again and I discovered that I’m on the neurodivergent spectrum, which has helped me learn how to better understand myself and my needs.

Then, in 2022, a family friend took her own life at the age of 23. I’d known the family for years but had no idea that she was struggling. I felt that if I’d known, I could have talked to her. I’d been there and knew that things could get better. I was so upset about the fact that we don’t talk openly about mental health struggles - especially suicidal ideation - that I started the Phoenix Wisdom podcast so that we could do just that.